He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
