Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
