It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.