Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
