He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass