He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
