It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
