I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Send us your Text From Last Night!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.