Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.