Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
