So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.