He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Send us your Text From Last Night!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.