Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
sex in a hospital.. check
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
