If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.