You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.