OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out