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    (978): View more from Massachusetts

    We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.

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    Replies (3) Good night (102) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
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    (314): View more from Missouri

    Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.

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    Replies (2) Good night (130) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
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    (515): View more from Iowa

    Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day

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    Replies (6) Good night (729) Bad night (95) Order T-Shirt
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    (218): View more from Minnesota

    Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?

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    Replies (15) Good night (985) Bad night (141) Order T-Shirt
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    (651): View more from Minnesota

    Well I just put wine in my tea

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    Replies (5) Good night (434) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt
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    (541): View more from Oregon

    People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.

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    Replies (1) Good night (217) Bad night (141) Order T-Shirt
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    (615): View more from Tennessee

    Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.

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    Replies (2) Good night (430) Bad night (91) Order T-Shirt
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    (678): View more from Georgia

    The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny

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    Replies (4) Good night (169) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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    (214): View more from Texas

    In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.

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    Replies (0) Good night (413) Bad night (127) Order T-Shirt
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    (262): View more from Wisconsin

    My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.

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    Replies (5) Good night (819) Bad night (69) Order T-Shirt
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    (760): View more from California

    And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning

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    Replies (2) Good night (425) Bad night (109)
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    (760): View more from California

    I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.

    (951): View more from California

    Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped

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    Replies (3) Good night (162) Bad night (272)
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    (505): View more from New Mexico

    Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.

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    Replies (1) Good night (489) Bad night (86) Order T-Shirt
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    (+61): View more from Australia

    I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.

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    Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (83) Order T-Shirt
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    (405): View more from Oklahoma

    Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on

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    Replies (4) Good night (100) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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