Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"