I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I need water and some morals
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.