My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.