Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way