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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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