We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina