Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.