Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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