We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend