Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back