i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: nipple clamps
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person