I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.