It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.