Texts From Last Night

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(65): View more from

Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.

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(65): Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job. http://tfl.nu/eg09

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons

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(862): Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons http://tfl.nu/m8s3

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather

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(304): You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather http://tfl.nu/giov

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(815): View more from Illinois

You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you

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(815): You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you http://tfl.nu/fukp

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(808): View more from Hawaii

So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.

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(808): So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend? (832): Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required. http://tfl.nu/6w8v

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(336): View more from North Carolina

By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"

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(336): By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student" http://tfl.nu/w2vs

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(847): View more from Illinois

I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles

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(847): I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles http://tfl.nu/eek8

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(917): View more from New York City

I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.

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(917): I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved. http://tfl.nu/p2yu

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(970): View more from Colorado

You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.

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(970): You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan. http://tfl.nu/do61

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(941): View more from Florida

My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.

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(941): My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order. http://tfl.nu/gp8x

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(520): View more from Arizona

She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.

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(520): She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers. http://tfl.nu/zf1p

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(248): View more from Michigan

I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.

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(248): I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night. http://tfl.nu/xi8c

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(419): View more from Ohio

You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...

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(419): You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter... http://tfl.nu/2dxo

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(410): View more from Maryland

The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.

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(410): The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal. http://tfl.nu/fe59

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(561): View more from Florida

6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time

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(561): 6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time http://tfl.nu/83id

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