Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does