We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes