He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them