I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires