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    (415): View more from California

    I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week

    (1-415): View more from California

    I don't deserve you.

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    Replies (6) Good night (1228) Bad night (70) Order T-Shirt
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    (208): View more from Idaho

    The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.

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    Replies (1) Good night (376) Bad night (88) Order T-Shirt
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    (832): View more from Houston, Texas

    He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.

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    Replies (2) Good night (159) Bad night (118) Order T-Shirt
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    (+44): View more from United Kingdom

    If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.

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    Replies (8) Good night (181) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
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    (315): View more from New York

    New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..

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    Replies (5) Good night (127) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
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    (316): View more from Kansas

    Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.

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    Replies (0) Good night (188) Bad night (88) Order T-Shirt
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    (425): View more from Washington

    I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.

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    Replies (8) Good night (550) Bad night (111) Order T-Shirt
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    (541): View more from Oregon

    Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.

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    Replies (1) Good night (207) Bad night (80) Order T-Shirt
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    (928): View more from Arizona

    So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time

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    Replies (4) Good night (860) Bad night (76) Order T-Shirt
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    (215): View more from Pennsylvania

    i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls

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    Replies (5) Good night (386) Bad night (89) Order T-Shirt
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    (831): View more from California

    ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.

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    Replies (2) Good night (172) Bad night (91) Order T-Shirt
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    (541): View more from Oregon

    And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.

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    Replies (1) Good night (252) Bad night (58) Order T-Shirt
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    (907): View more from Alaska

    Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.

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    Replies (0) Good night (181) Bad night (91) Order T-Shirt
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    (412): View more from Pennsylvania

    Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.

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    Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (80) Order T-Shirt
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    (412): View more from Pennsylvania

    the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work

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    Replies (9) Good night (906) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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