my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".