My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.