It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.