Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high