This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.