I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.