Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?