I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself