As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
