we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
