The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??