Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
