Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
