In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Send us your Text From Last Night!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers