i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
