he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
