So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my shit smells like andre
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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