im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
