i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
