He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?