My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater