I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Send us your Text From Last Night!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
