gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Send us your Text From Last Night!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
