the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning