when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.