I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"