Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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