I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano