I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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