oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
