First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.