i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.