Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see