i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.