So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
