Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
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Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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