Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
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You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..