Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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