How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.