Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
