i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.