Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"