halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
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I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
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Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up