I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.