Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
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If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
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Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.