...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.