My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time