I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.