i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times